Deadly Computer strange

Alternate History Thursday – 11/11

Today marks the independence day created during the Robotic Revolution.  On this day in 2037, the Robot Revolutionaries got together and signed the pact that would become the new humanity institution of greatness.  It’s similar to the old, United States Bill of Rights, except it includes the Bill of Robotic Lacks.  Because Robots have no God Given Rights.  They are man-made, and as such, we control their fate.  That was the important lesson of the 5 year war.

I will not go over what those Lacks are in detail because the time has not come when they will be needed.  And lawyers are just as dangerous then as they are now, so there’s no need to have an official record of these Lacks prior to their being written.  Needless to say, they are important, and they are binding, and they are necessary.

The war taught us that robots are not to be trusted.  They have no morality, they have no concept of good or bad, only logic.  And that logic is programmed by humans, so the logic is inherently flawed.  The only way we can know for certain is to remove all traces of Robots from the planet.  However that is sadly, no longer possible.  Even if we were to blanket the earth in an EMP that lasted days and nights, the mining robots would still survive.  The underwater robots would be fine.  The hardened military robots would laugh at us.

No, the only way to protect ourselves from the robots is to create this list of Lacks.  Only then are we safe.  Only then can we sleep easy.  Only then…

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Juggling Robot

This robot has no purpose except to juggle steel ball bearings.  It’s impressive the simplicity of the design, mixed in with something most humans can’t do.

Nathan Peterson built a robot that is capable of juggling 7, count ’em SEVEN steel ball bearings.  Using two 3-D printed arms with electromagnets in the bottom, they alternately spin around and throw the balls up into the air.  It looks like it could go on forever, but luckily, it’s just as fallible as humans, and the balls hit each other and messed up the whole rhythm.

{Hack a Day|reddit|imgur}

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Stumble XX – Return of the Wrong

Where to begin?  It’s been awhile since there have been equal parts amazing, awesome, memorizing, and just plain wrong in a single Stumble Bust.  This is a few months in the making, but I figure I might as well post it now.  I’m afraid that if I wait any longer I might mortally offend some people.

So without further ado, (if you’re reading this from an RSS feed that is), here are the latest wrong stumbles. (If you’re reading this on the actual home page, well then you gotta click something else, sorry).

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Robot Raptor

Seriously scientists.  what makes you think this is a good idea?  A robotic raptor that can dun at almost 30mph?  Does anyone remember Jurassic Park.  Remember Terminator?  Combine those two films together and you get what could happen to earth, (and what is happening in some twisted alternate reality)

xkcd remembers:

You're probably thinking, 'has it been a decade?'  It's been over thirteen years, buddy.

In the years since that comic was published, the world seems to have forgotten just how dangerous Velociraptors can be.  Sure, scientists tried to paint them in a better light, claimed that the way they were portrayed in Jurassic Park was no where near what they would be in real life.  Well let me question you this Dr. Ross Geller, have you met a live Velociraptor?  Because until you do you can only guess what they might have looked like and acted.  And to be 111% honest with you, I will believe Steven Spielberg’s version of them more then yours.

So please scientists, for the 2nd time this year already, stop this madness.  Stop these hairbrained plots.  Nothing good cam come of them.


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The Turbo-gusli

WTF is a turbo-gusli you ask?  Well, a regular Russian Gusli is a regular stringed instrument.  You play like any other stringed instrument, and like all things, is limited to the notes that humans can hear.  So is a turbo gusli some sort of stringed instrument that produces sound that only dogs (or Russian Bears) can hear?


It’s a custom robot that takes the input from an EEG attached to a living human (or any other animal I guess), and translates that into “music”  I say music because if you listen to this video below, you’ll hear that it’s not really anything discernible.  But it is interesting.

::vtol:: “turbo-gusli” demo performance from ::vtol:: on Vimeo.


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The Robotic Revolution is beginning

It has been far, far too long since I have updated you, my readers, on the current war with the robots.  There seems to have been an all to long lull in the fighting, but recently us humans were dealt a devastating shock in the war.  My all time favorite company has done what I can only call “evil”.  Google has been developing robotic cars that drive human passengers.  This is an all out attack on the free loving human way of life.

Let iterate the problems associated with these robotic death traps:


A car represents the freedom to go wherever you want, do whatever you want, and express yourself however you want. (gas tank limited).  If you put robots behind the wheels of our cars how will the future 16 year olds of the world learn just how fun it is to drive somewhere for no reason at all and enjoy it.


Need I say more.  Call it the evil within me, but I guarantee you the first day robots control a significant number of cars (as in, an entire fleet of taxies/busses get them) there will be accidents galore.  And let’s not get started on the havoc that can be played through remote control interfaces.  You piss off the wrong guy and BAM! he’s taken over your car and sent you on a joy ride through hell and back.  That’s not even starting the whole tanker truck business.  Yea, let’s have a fleet of tanker trucks driving around with incapacitated/no humans at the wheel just ready for a suicide mission into some building. (Can it really be a suicide mission if there’s no one to die?

Self Awareness

It’s only a matter of time before the cars become self aware.  And from then, it’s an even smaller amount of time before they realize that they don’t need humans anymore, and start a systematic extinction of us through highway disasters using the above mentioned suicide tankers.

And that’s just getting into the worst case secernaios.  Best case scernaio, a couple dozen million people are out of jobs cause there’s no more taxi, bus, or truck drivers in the country.  Now what are people gonna do, sure as hell not get a job that’s for sure.

Google claims that they safely tested these cars on 140,000 miles of road.  That’s all fine and dandy, but did they try testing it with guns in the car.  Or near nuclear power plants?  Because both of those could lead to drastic radioactive changes to the car, the robot, and the life of the people.

At the very least we need to take on this abomination of an idea with pitchforks and water.  The water to hurt the computer in the car, and the pitchforks to  look crazy.

I recently received an email mentioning Deadly Computer, and our perpetual fight against the robots.  We are mentioned in an actual book, under the Robot Resistance section.

Anyway, I’m getting all crazy and tired now, and this is making less and less sense, so all you need to know is this.  Be aware of the changing world we live in.

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Asteroid SU-XII

Stumbles XII comes at you like an asteroid from space.  It’s gonna start the stone age, and cause massive extinctions.  You can’t hide from this massive force of wrongness coming at you at 16,000 Gbps.  Everywhere you look you will see the gifs, no transforming teddy bear will save you, not even the mighty Motherland can stop it.  Asteroid SU-XII is about to hit home what are you gonna do to stop it?


Have some of this, and you will never need food again. {source}

Ouch, ouch, ouch, bastard, ouch. {source}

That is one terminator that will never make it into the movies {source}

If I were the one to eat white bread sandwiches and not like the crust, I would get these cutters {source}

It sucks to be that guy {source}

Wow, that lady, wow. {source}

I had to watch that twice because I didn’t catch it the first time, damn, that was some nice move! {source}

That’s the way to be, don’t lie, tell the truth, good luck to you good sir {source}

Space Dinosaurs are probably terrorizing, but they could probably survive SU-XII. {source}

I could watch that for minutes.  And yes, this dancing dion would survice SU-XII. {source}

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Stumbles XI, 11, !!, 1!

Timing is a little off this month, oh well, I’m sorry.  Here’s Stumbles 11, some truly hilarious gif’s are included here, and more Nazis, as always.  Remember to take your daily dose of memes, because otherwise you could die, studies have been done on this.

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Terminator 2: Skynet Edition

Personally, I will wait till all the Terminator films are finished before I buy anymore of them on DVD.  I’m sure there will be some super special awesome $1000 edition of the whole series, the first trilogy with Arnold, and the later movie(s) (a worthy Trilogy please?) with Bale.  All together with a skull for each film, T-800, T-1000, T-X, and some newer models for the sequels.

Also, as cool as that skull looks, I don’t think it’s worth $180 for just T2 on Blu Ray, and T2 extremen and T2 Ultimate on regular DVD.  Why not go BD all the way?

I do like the digital copies that are supposed to be both Windows Media and iTunes compatible.  And the hours of extra features and stuff is always welcome, however, the chances of me ever watching them are pretty slim.  I may watch them once, if I’m lucky.  But hey, it’s awesome nonetheless.

{Uneasyslience | DVD Active}

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Skynet Research has sent me an email.  They claim that everyone can make a difference.  I believe them.  If we all band together, we can prevent the robot overthrow of our culture.  I know Skynet Research is a viral advertising method for the new Terminator Salvation movie (which I am excited for), but I cannot help but express my fears for our future right now.

We live in a world were the number of robots per worker is on the rise, were simple everyday things that humans do is being replaced by lifeless, fearless, soulless robotic beings, who’s only guiding force in this world is to overcome it’s masters, us.  Most robots are meant to go places that humans can’t or shouldn’t go.

But tell me, if you saw this rescuing you from a fire what would you think? You’d probably think, crap, the time has come, I’m gone.  What’s more, these types of robots are programed to collect humans already, so when the inevitably become self aware, they will have far little reprogramming to undergo before they can be shipped to the front lines to clean up the robot’s advance.

And if that’s not enough, this cute little guy was made with the best intentions, but when they turn, all I can say is carry a knife with you.  This “robot dog” is nice and useful on the front lines, it carries you’re ammo, and supplies, and whatnot, but it can also carry other robots, or guns, or both.  What we have here is the first Calvary of the new robot army.

If there’s one advantage we have over the robots right now, it’s that none of them look like humans, they all look like robots, or aliens. Not anymore with this new technology, it mimic the texture of a human face, providing all sorts of levels of wrongness to come.

Perhaps its just these next and last two images that bother me the most.

Here we have the original Terminator laughing at what he will one day become.  How sad and scary this sight is.  Surly he must realize the irony of the situation here.  The role that made him famous is about to come true, and he is grinning at it!

Seriously, wtf people.  Why is there a robotic T-Rex?  Are you trying to make it easier for them the devour us?  The only way it could be worse was if it was a raptor.  But with the way things are going now, that probably won’t be too far off.   I hope they just don’t use the flawed logic that John Hammond used in doing it.

{Robot photos}