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21 Stumbles on the wall

We welcome in the new year with the latest iteration of Stumbles.  This is number 21 (give or take), and this is year 2010, so let’s see where it takes us.  Alittle history:

  • 1 year ago today we were at only stumble 8, and now we’re up to 21, impressive!
  • Imagechan makes it’s triumphant return after a year away
  • This has a gif, a 4chan, a 3 memes and some advice

Hopefully there will be some awesome things in store for 201.  I’m already working on 3 or 4 posts that I think  are great.  And let’s not forget the conclusion to the exciting events of World War IIb.  So sit back, relax, and watch the wrongness fly

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Pearl Harbor

Pearl Harbor

68 years ago World War 2 began for America, truly, officially, and publicly began.  The Japanese empire attacked the U.S. Naval base at Pearl Harbor with the hopes of knocking out the country’s Pacific fleet, and letting them go on to conquer the entirety of the  Pacific Ocean.

Some people say that it wasn’t truly a surprise attack, and clearly the withdrawing of the Carrier’s leads others to think someone somewhere knew something.  But these allegations all come after the fact.  All the conspiracy theorists, and pacifists, and overall cowards question why Pearl Harbor was allowed to happen.

Imagine for a moment that it was prevented.

  • Would we have went to war with Japan and/or the Axis Powers?
  • Yes, but that war would be drastically different.

For starters you wouldn’t have a near unanimous approval of our entry into WW2 by the public.  And if the public doesn’t support the war, the war is lost.  You can’t spend millions of dollars, or send hundreds of thousands of men over seas if they aren’t willing to go.  That being said, our presence in the European theater would have been drastically different.  Hitler would have done all he could to not go to war with us, because he knew that if we got involved, it was only a matter of time before he lost everything.  And seeing as we wouldn’t have been directly thrown into the war, the public would be torn over going into Europe, so we can assume that we wouldn’t have been in Europe fully for at least another year (if England even lasted that much longer. Because if England fell, then everything changes, but that’s beyond the scope of this alternate reality).

So the public is more or less behind the Pacific war, and because we stopped Pearl Harbor, 95% of the Pacific fleet is intact.  We begin to advance across the ocean stopping at every island and forceably removing all remaining Japs from them.  This continues all the way to the Japanese mainland.  Now because we still have our entire fleet, we are able to make it there with little fuss, and in alittle over 2 years.  The Japs are unable to do any major damage to us because we know where they are (because we were able to decipher their messages long before Pearl Harbor).  This causes a huge demoralization to the Japanese, but they continue to fight regardless.

Because the War has gone well, and we made it so far so fast, we are left with 2 choices, a blockade, or an invasion.  The Atomic bomb has not been finished yet, so we can’t bomb them into submission with it.

Depending on what General was in charge, and what President was in office.  (Lest we forget, this war was not backed 100%, so FDR’s decision to enter it after Pearl Harbor doesn’t really happen, and breaking all his promises he campaigned with could lead to some changes in the next election), this is a pressing matter.  For the sake of this reality, we will go with an invasion, because I said so.

D-day happens on the beaches on Japan instead of France, and instead of liberation of a nation, it’s occupation.  Same thing almost.  Because the Japanese mainland has already been bombed heavily, resistance is little if any in most places.  American GIs make their way to Tokyo, and quickly take control of the country.  The Empire of Japan has come to an end, and the United States of America adds it’s latest addition to it’s bag of territories.

Back to Europe

American troops come to the aid of England just when they thought it would never happen, or about Fall 1942.  However moral is low, supplies are gone, and Hitler has a near impenetrable hold on the greater part of Europe.  He has fortified his positions along the entire coast.  Things are going the same in Russia as they really did go, not well.  However, not having to worry too much about American troop involvement, or buildup has let the Axis powers flourish.  They spread themselves out along northern Africa, and decimate the English troops there.  Rommel is soon sent to use his magic on the Eastern front, and things begin to turn.

By late 1943 American support is waning, they had just about won the Pacific war, and that’s all they really cared about to begin with.  Pressure is on to leave the silly Europeans to fend for themselves.  But equal pressure is there to try and liberate the Europeans from the grip of the Nazis.  Stuck in this dilemma, troops are sent, but not nearly enough to make any difference, Hitler thrives.

The Eastern front hits a stalemate, neither side can make any significant advances over the year, but a truce is not called.  This continues well into 1945.  During this time, Nazi scientists have been making progress on atomic weapons.  Great progress.  Ironicly in August of 1945 Luftwaffe bombers are sent towards Moscow, on board is a nuclear bomb.  Russia being already demoralized by the ongoing war, decides to surrender after only one bomb is dropped (lucky really, as that’s the only one the Nazi’s had (they didn’t even know if it would work)).

The Nazi’s annex the former Soviet Union, and now control France to the Sahara to the Middle East, to Siberia.

The New Cold War

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion to the New World War II.

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17 Stumbles XVII

So it’s that time again, time for new Stumbles. I don’t know what to call this.  I’ve been thinking about it for nearly a month.  Luckly, for us, I have decided to keep Chris’ stumbles experiment part of the official numbering system.  He should thank me, and 17 is my favorite number.  Anyway, so, this time around we are back to the crude humor you’ve come to expect: poop, Nazis, memes, and racism.  Ah the internet.  What wonders you hold.   Full list after the click, enjoy.

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The Answer

Well the answer to the question of what do the strange unexplained Google Doodles mean has finally been given by Google themselves.  Turns out it was all a celebration of H.G. Well’s birthday, which is today.  He is 143 years old.  That’s old, older the Hitler. And he wrote one of my favorite sci-fi books ever, The War of The Worlds.

I liked this game you played Google, it reminds me of the Bourne Ultimatum game you did a few years ago.  You should have more of those.

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How to Be Persuasive

At first I thought this was gonna be a serious list of advice, then I started reading it.  I was happy though, because it was hilarious!  Here’s an example:

  • You: “Dogs are better than cats.”
  • Opponent: “I prefer cats.”
  • You: “But cats eat babies! They dig their rabid muzzles into infants’ chests and rip their kidneys out!”
  • Opponent: “No they don’t!”
  • You: “They do! And they killed my great grandmother! Twice!”

Personally, I think it was a dog dressed up as a cat that killed your grandmother.  Unless, wait, was your grandmother Jewish?  Oh, it could have been one of these guys then, they’ve been known to start world wars, invade countries, and commit other various acts against the human rights and stuff.

Take a look at the advice yourself, you might learn something.

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Adolf Hitler is 120 years old!

Hitler Moasic

Today marks the birthday of the world’s oldest non-living dictator, Adolf Hitler!  120 years ago today he was born in Austria, he went on to try and become an artist, but didn’t do so hot, so instead he went for world domination.  A pretty nice secondary goal if you ask me.

The failed Führer started his run to greatness in 1923, but was unsuccessful in that too.  So he was thrown in jail for a few months, where he wrote Mein Kampf, his handbook for the future.   Over the course of the next 10 years, he slowly, and legally built up a following, that eventually led to his appointment as Chancellor of Germany in January 1933 by Hindenburg.  He used the disastrous outcome of WWI for Germany, and the global depression to snowball his way into the hearts of the German people.

In another few years he got the Nuremberg Laws passed, which allowed him to begin his crusade against the Jews, and other undesirables.

In 1938, TIME magazine named Adolf Hitler their Person of the Year, and a scant year later, That person started The Greatest War in the history of the world.

After a series of unfortunate events which led to Germany’s defeat, Adolf Hitler was reported to have committed suicide with his new bride, Eva Braun.  However, there are widespread reports that Hitler, along with other high ranking members of The SS escaped to South America, Argentina being the most likely place, and are lying in wait to begin again new on the Fourth Reich.

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Stumbles 10

The 10th monthly set of stumbles is upon us.  And it is a good one.  Roots of humor, with graphs, and a comic, and stupid people.  Ah the joy of the internet.  Full list after the click.

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Panda’s are behind it all!

Great Scott!  Who would have know that the world’s cuttest endangered species is secretly behind all the awful and wrong things in the world today?  Fear not though, because the great people over at Pandaganda have uncovered it all.

Is Obama a panda in disguise, or was his campagin simply made by pands?

Storm Trooper armor isn’t really much of a disguise, I’m surprised it took us this long to figure it out.

I’m sorry, I literally burst out laughing when I saw that picture.

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Stumbles 9

Stumbles 9 is a go.  No silly name for the post today, just Stumbles 9.  You will be happy to know that there are a variety of awesome images this month.  Some of them are themed, some go back to the stumble roots, but all of them are awesome.  So click the link, and you’ll see some great pictures.

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The Lucky Best Stumbles 7

Ah, December, the time of Winter, snow, Christmas lights, cold, and Pearl Harbor.  Today is December 1, and to celebrate the greatness of the month of December, the 12th, and final month of the year 2008, I want to welcome to the world, my favorite stumbles from the past month. There are some good ones, and some interesting ones, there are not nearly as many as previous lists, but that’s because I’ve been extra busy doing non-stumble related stuff recently.

Now this introduction has gone on long enough I think.  But I’m not sure.  I don’t think I’ve properly introduced the last single digit prime number.  7 is the last single digit prime, and a wonderful example of uniqueness.  Not until we get to number 17 will we see another 7, luckily it is also a prime, now that doesn’t mean much, except that there is another 7 prime to look for.  17 is a nice number, actually, I’ll tell you a secret, stick a 7 on the end of any number, and I will most likely like it.  Except 77, that’s a stupid number.

If you look closely, the time this post was published was 7:07:07am EST.  that’s how much I like the number 7.  In reality though, i like the number 11 best, for obvious reasons.  117 by extension is high up on my favorite numbers list.

Well now that I’ve told you a bunch of “interesting?” facts about me, lets get to the images I thought were hilarious and you no doubt will find in bad taste and call me childish names in the comments, but don’t worry, I know who you are all…