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Teapot Politics

Maybe you’ve heard on other websites about a little marketing issue JCPenney is having (also, NEWSFLASH, JCPenney still exists…I had no idea). But it just wouldn’t be the deadlycomputer blog unless we discussed this:

hitler-teapot-jc-penney-reddit

Does this picture remind you of anyone? Well if you’re drivers along California’s Interstate 405 Highway, you most likely thought “that teapot looks just like Hitler.”

Oh yes, its our pick for #1 dictator in human history back again, reincarnated (note: none of the staff at deadlycomputer believe in or advocate the belief in reincarnation) as a teapot. Now it may or may not be true, but I’m pretty sure Hitler enjoyed tea over coffee, so this product is oddly appropriate, even though I seriously doubt that the designer did this purposefully.

All this controversy is pretty stupid. Honestly, I would never see that teapot and think it looks like Hitler, until someone else would point it out to me. After all, it could be much worse:

ck_hitler_lg

But, if you’d like, you can totally still pick up this awesome teapot (but its on backorder) regardless of what you think of Hitler. It could be a collector’s item one day.

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the greatest

Alternate History Thursday – A WWII Birthday

Hitler Moasic
The famous Adolf Hitler Mosaic I made years ago.

Today is the 124th birthday of Adolf Hitler.  In our alternate reality, Hitler isn’t the horrible dictator we know him as today.  As we’ve, America is Communist, and if you know about history, and Adolf Hitler, you know that he hated Communists.  Anyway, I digress.

World War 2 went on for the same number of years, and the US still was the first (and only) nation to use Atomic weapons in anger, but the US was not seen as the great liberator of the world.  You see it’s communist, and even in this alternate history, Commies are bad.

Anyway, here’s some background on Hitler from our alternate history:

  • No Holocaust
  • Supreme Chancellor of the European Super Continent
  • Seen as a liberator

Now, granted that’s probably hard to swallow, but remember, America is Communist, anything is possible.

So, back to what makes him so great in this alternate history.  Basically, WW2 played out in a vastly different way, Hitler rose up against the renewed British colonization efforts of Europe, Africa, & South West Asia.  England has gone on a tyrannical reign of invasions, trying to regain the greatness  of The British Empire.

No one dared stop England as they slowly marched down Africa, across the Middle East, and up the generally surrounding mainland Europe.

No one but the newly elected President of the German Republic – Adolf Hitler.

Adolf Hitler wouldn’t stand for this, with his country backing him, he went to war. (This is Europe afterall, everyone hates everyone else).  Germany was easily aided by the rest of nearby Europe, France was eager to allow the Germans to enter, a chance to get back at their bitter enemies across the channel.  However, with all the resources of greater Europe at their disposal, The German Alliance just couldn’t stop the British Navy, in fact, for all intents and purposes, Germany was land locked.

In comes America.  Their vast resources form the then current 83 States, allowed them to continually barrage British naval bases, and factories along the coast of Africa & India.  Australia slayed neutral, and was better off for it.

Eventually, the Americans were able to make land fall in India, and slowly move across the Middle East, and into Northern Africa.  They moved towards the Atlantic, and before you knew it, England was at it’s knees.

The German Alliance was strong and picking at the English Air and Naval forces.  Within a year, the war was over.  England was in shambles, having had a nuke dropped on them, and Germany started the UN.

The German Alliance was strong, and surprisingly, many of the nations of Europe which Germany “invaded” or “occupied” to join forces with to defeat England were perfectly happy keeping the status quo, as the Great Depression was still fresh in all their memories, and they were afraid that with Germany pulling out, with them, all the success would go too.

So in short, Hitler was seen as the great liberator of Europe, finally putting to rest the British Empire, and all its multi-century attempts at global domination.

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More Olympic Stumbles

That happen after The Olympics.  I need time to get all these fun things together for you, and I can’t do that if I’m watching the games all day now can I?

Also, as time has moved on, these are not so much stumbles anymore as things from other people, and most specifically reddit.  I know the title is like a double lie in that sense, but if you use logic, the two lies cancel each other out and become truth.  And you can’t argue with that logic now can you?

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123 years ago

Did you really think I’d forget to post this today?

Hitler Moasic

What are you crazy?  April 20th, and December 7th are the only two guaranteed days you will get a post from me.  I will guarantee that forever.  And you know what that means, it’s in the books.

Any Hootie and the Blowfish, let’s talk about Hitler, it’s been awhile since we’ve had a Nazi post, or even a WW2 post in general.  That needs to change, drastically.  And so without further ado I will start you with a tease, the beginning of the end of all those multi part posts I started over the years.  Yes that’s right all of them*

I’m not gonna end them all now, that’d be crazy talk, but I will let you know that the thoughts are brewing, and my brain is thinking, and I guarantee you will not like what I have to say.  I also guarantee that you will not be able to understand what I say. And, I also guarantee that I’ve been rambling enough and am going to go to bed, but, be prepared, for the future holds many promising things.

*maybe not all of them, I’m honest.

**also I am aware that the title of this post is eerily similar to last year’s, I also don’t care.

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I ran out of stumble names

Yes, there are no more names left to use for Stumble Posts.  But I care not, because I said so.  I’m sure I’m lying to you.  But, am I lying if I just haven’t come up with a new name yet?  Or if a past self comes from the future (Since time travel would have to be invented in the future, to go back in time to get a previous me, and the return to the previous me’s future, but the future me’s past), and give me a new name.  And, I deliberately made that as confusing as possible, so if you followed that and didn’t just say tl;dr, then good for you.

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122 years ago

The person who shaped the modern world was born:

Hitler mosaic

Yes, like it or not, Adolf Hitler is responsible for the world as we know it today.  He started World War 2, and in the process ushered in the Golden Age of America.  An America that saved the world from him.

We could go back and think about how the world would be different had Hitler not risen to power, not started World War 2, not done all the things he’s most famous for, but what fun would that be?

People always tend to focus on the bad that he did, and I won’t sugar coat it, he was directly responsible for quite alot of terrible things.  But it’s the things that he’s indirectly responsible for that no one takes into account.

  • The Jet Age
  • The Space Age
  • The Nuclear Age
  • The Computer Age

All those things had beginnings in WW2 era Germany, and many, many more along with it.

The V-2 rocket was the first ballistic missile, and the predecessor to the famous Titan I, and Saturn V.

So go ahead and create your time machine and go back in time and kill Hitler before he’s born, or allow him to go to art school like he always wanted, just be perpared for a different world when you return.  Unless of course your method of time travel is via the multi-worlds theory, (Which, for all intents and purposes, is the only way time travel will work), you could conveniently kill Hitler, and return to a version of the present where all the stuff after WW2 happened, just not WW2.

Although, if you’re gonna go through the trouble of traveling to another dimension, why complicate it with time travel, and murder, just go to one were Hitler never existed.  If it’s a moral issue let me just stop you right there cause dude, you have a trans-dimensional import/export craft.  The very nature of the theory behind it states that there are an infinite number of universes to travel to.  So going to one universe and killing Hitler, guess what, there’s an infinite number of other universes where you failed.  Then there’s a further infinite number where you succeed, but Stalin decided he wanted to invade Poland anyway, so he did, and WW2 happened, (of course in that universe we killed every last one of those Commie bastards, and the world was a better place).

 

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MOAR STUMBLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s stumbles time.  First one of 2011.  And how can we make 2011 any better then 2010, well, with more wrongness.  Sadly, I don’t think this quite matches up to some of the previous wrong stumbles.  But it has some awesome things in it, so that’s good enough.

Anyway, take a gander after the link if you want to look at them, and if you’re reading these via RSS, no clicking needed, enjoy.

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Google Photo Photomosaic

Google Photo Logo

That is a full blown actual size Photo Mosaic.  I love Photo Mosaics  I make them all the time.  I’ve made famous people. My mosaics though, are small computer sized (although, I have printed a few out, and they are pretty nice).

Upper LGoogle’s though is made of actual 4×6 photographs.  Much more awesomeer.  In total it’s 884 different photos.  And I must say, it looks pretty damn impressive.  I just don’t like the “lense flare” they put over the “o” and the “e.”  I mean, come on, is that really necessary?  And before you say that it’s just flash glare in that picture, watch the time lapse video below, it’s built into the mosaic.

Some of the photographs are pretty weird though.  If you look at it large size some are clearly discarded rejects, but there are also excellent photos of different places and people, and in all they mesh together perfectly.

It took them 5 and a half hours to put it together, and 40-50 hours total to make it.  That’s still quite alot.  But when you think of it, you can just take the digital versions of the pictures, and put them into the software to make the mosaic, and then just match them up and glue them to a wall.  Yea, easier said then done.

Also, it was done in the Google UK office, so all the photos are from around the UK, all were donated by UK Googlers, for a total of around 4,000, of which only 884 got used.  Oh well, still looks good I think.

I think they need to make this a Google Doodle one day.

{Google | Clay Bavor}

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The Alternate Cold War

Today is Adolf Hitler’s 121st birthday, and what better way to celebrate then by having a bonfire?!  What are we burning, don’t ask, you don’t wanna be implicated, its better that way.

Anyway, another way to celebrate, how about continuing the alternate reality of Pearl Harbor? Yes, I think that’s fitting, we will explore what could have happened had The Nazi’s won World War II.  Anyway here we go, onto the future!

When we last saw our heroes they were demoralized.  The greater part of Europe was in ruins, and as far as the Eye could see, Hitler could control.  Unlike Napoleon before him, Hitler had conquered the mighty Russian Bear, and now is the most powerful man in the world.

With the destruction of Moscow via an atomic bomb, the country unconditionally surrendered to the Nazis.  Seeing the destruction the bomb caused, the remaining Allies formed a truce with the Axis powers, less Japan.

The world was painted to look like this:

Nazi Germany controlling the better part of the globe, with their power reaching 2 oceans, and thousands of miles.  America is takes on the role of The Soviet Union at the end,  They get Japan, and pretty much get to do what they want with it.  America and Nazi Germany are the new world powers, and the population looks on with great interest at what will happen next.

The year is 1953.  It’s been 8 years since WWII ended, The United States is now comprised of 61 states, including conquered Japan (adding 4 states), and various islands across the Pacific, and Cuba.  The Nazi’s have changed the name of most of Europe, removing nations, and combining them all together into Nazi Germany.  All other nations of the world hold their breath as they watch as two powers of different ideals have a stand off.

The Space Race

In 1955 the Nazi’s launch the first artificial satellite, Trabant.  Aided by their massively successful V2 rocket program of the war, the Nazi’s are able to gain a significant advantage over the Americans.  Because the Americans didn’t win the war, they weren’t able to steal any Nazi scientists for themselves when it ended, and therefore they are significantly behind in their rocket research.  It’s not until 1960 when the United States enters space.  By this time, the Nazi’s have already orbited multiple humans, and have multiple semi permanent satellites in orbit.

The United States however doesn’t really mind.  They may have different ideals compared to the Nazis, and as long as Hitler stays in Europe, then they don’t really care.  We start a space program though.  Not because we’re afraid of the Nazi’s, but because we want to conquer space.  As a nation, we fully back our space agency, eventually leading to a Moon mission, many years in the future.

The Arms Race

The global arms race hasn’t changed much, and the Germans use their V2 rocket research to attach bombs to.  In fact, that was their plan from the very beginning, attach an atomic bomb to V2s, and rain down deadly destructive damage from the sky.  It’s not very successful at first, but within 5 years they are able to deliver a nuclear payload to any target in the Europe, Asia, Africa part of the globe.  Too bad they control over 60% of that territory.

The US on the other hand just uses its vast resources to build bigger and badder bombers, eventually making an 8 turbo jet design that can circle the globe and deliver nuclear or conventional bombs to any target.

Naval warfare is at a stalemate.  The US has the superior fleet, but the Nazi’s have a superior submarine force effectively keeping the American’s at bay in the Atlantic.  However, America, lacking bases in Europe builds massive Aircraft carriers, capable of launching, and landing 4 engine bombers.  They are the king of the waters, giving them an effective range of half a hemisphere.

Because of the lack of European bases, the remaining allies build up Africa.  The Africa we know today is very different from the one that exists in this reality.  Developed, civil, popular, and safe.  Africa has become the central part of the world.  Attracting businesses for the mining available, and tourists for the country side.  Remaining largely neutral in the whole global political scene, Africa thrives on the businesses there and becomes a home-place for all of the displaced peoples of the war.

The World Itself

The Nazis having never been accused of war crimes due to winning the war outright, quickly begin to work on their world image, soon becoming the hope of generations.  (Mostly due to the propaganda of the Nazi party, which is still working in force.)  However the overall feel of the world is peaceful.  How long will this last is anyone’s guess, because in 30 years time something extraordinary is going to happen.

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The 2010 Olympic Stumble Event!

Its time again for the best stumbles in the history of the internet.  These fine stumbled pictures are up there for humor, love, wrongness, Nazi, and cute.  Only one can take home the gold, and end the post.  That picture has the responsibility to hold off the other stumbles until i write the next one, whenever that is.  So without further rambling on my part,