Commie Bugs from Mars

commie bug bastards

This my friends, is one of the strangest games, I have ever had the pleasure of playing on the internet.  Strange, but somewhat enjoyable, except the stupid text adventure part where I spent like a full day with it open trying to figure it out.  Frog Fractions, has some innovative parts to it.  But the stupid text adventure, unlike chris, I went through the text adventure, unfortunately, I only made it halfway through before i went searching for help on tamoxifen the internet, I found it, then beat it.

The ending is satisfying, if only because you know you made it through the stupid text adventure part.

No replay value though, so it’s no Pandemic.  But deffiently play it for the laughs, there’s enough of them.

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Do the Ugly Dance!

It is unpossible to play with this site and keep a straight face, trust me.  And the song is awesome, awesome in the way that wont be stuck in your head for the rest of the day.

You can also make your own by uploading your own picture, I’ve yet to try that, I think the cat is doing the dance perfectly.

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Musical Points of Light

Sometimes, I like simple flash things.  Like this musical maker thing. Just listen to my masterpiece isn’t it great?  Personally,I think I should have ended it before i added the bars on the right, but there’s no Undo, and I didn’t want to clear it cause then I’d never get it back the same, I just know it.

Also, you have to have your volume up real high, cause otherwise you can’t hear it.  Oh well, enjoy it.

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Rollercoaster Spam

rollercoaster spam gameEvery so often there’s a spam comment that’s worth it’s weight in gold.  Unfortunately the weight of an individual spam comment is about 0.0000017 grams, so it’s not much.

But I this one on Earth Hour was just that.  I saw it in the moderation que and had to click the link because I love rollercoaster games.

The very first computer game I got into was Rollercoaster Tycoon wayyy back in the day.  I had all of them, and I beat all of them.  In fact I still play them they are that good.  My Gravity Gardens is kick ass with 40 years of service, almost 4,000 guests, and 23 completely custom built incredible rollercoasters all with an excitement rating of 6.0 or more.

I think Rollercoaster Tycoon 2 was the pinicale of the series.  Sure 3 made it into the 3rd dimension, and let you ride the rides, and stuff.  But the scenarios are stupid easy, and it’s too fucking hard to make custom rides or paths in some parks because the land moves too easily.

I like the isometric views of RCT1 & RCT2, and the simplicity of it.  Also, some of those scenarios took me ages to beat.  Like Gravity Gardens above, you had to repay your loan of $10,000 and have a park value of $500,000.  Except you could only build rollercoasters, no other rides.  And, the price to go on the rides was free.  You made money on entry to the park, and food/shop sales.  It took me 30 game years to beat.  But since it was so kick ass, I just kept playing it.  RCT3 is just too easy, I can beat a scenario in a few hours, and I have no interest to keep playing each one because all the parks are the same.

Anyway, back to this spam comment.  Go play this rollercoaster game, it’s fun, and I spent most of the day playing it.  I managed to beat it and it’s harder then it looks.  The hardest track is number 13 – Trailblazer.  That took me forever to get 5 stars in.  Anyway joy it.

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My favorite flash game has a 3rd variation, Pandemic Extinction of Man.  Of all three versions of the game, I think this one is the most dumbed down.  Just look at this:

The world is split up into 10 sections, each has 10% of the world’s population, represented by the little people.

Green means healthy people, red means infected people, and black means dead people.  Of each of the 10 areas, you can spread the virus through, or attack airports, water, or the country’s attempt at a cure.  If the country is not infected, but shares borders with one that is, you can attempt to infect it with the “!” icon.  That’s the newest feature, controlling the virus itself, and not letting a random generator do it.  It lets you actually control which places you attack, which is nice.  And except for Greenland, and the South Pacific (Australia), all of Europe/Asia/Africa is reachable through land, you need a plane to get to the Americas, and you need a plane to get to Greenland and South Pacific.  And you can do whatever you want, for the low cost of 1 point each.

Look at that.  That’s all you get to control?!  No individual features of the virus like in Pandemic II, and no control of it’s transmission attributes like Pandemic.  That truly is dumb simple, and I don’t like it.

However, it’s one saving grace is that unlike Pandemic II, it is winnable.

Orange areas show infected countries, see, all of them are orange.

I choose f-11 because it was very governmenty.  I could have choosen Captain Trips, but I felt this virus didn’t deserve the honnor and prestigue that that name inspires in me, (yes inspires).

Unlike the other games, this one is probabky the most realistic.  Because after 0% of the population dies, and 1% is infected, all the other countries start to develop a cure.  (Just like in real life, when one kid who may have swine flu, the entire school is shut down for 2 weeks for disinfection).  But that being said, I have been able to beat it repeatedly, unlike Pandemic II.

Fuck you Madagascar.

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Cockroach Dream

I love flash games that are simple, stupid, and entertaining.  Enter Cockroach Dream.  You simply have to swat and kill roachs before the stress levels get to high, and wake up the weird naked guy.  Also, it’s hard to tell if he wakes up, or dies, or has an orgasm or what.  But its fun to watch his face go crazy, and it looks like he dies at the end.  Oh well.  My personal best is 65.

UPDATE:  Apparently, when you get to 100 you win, and it says sleep will be peacefull.

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Darth Vader vs. ShamWow Vince

It’s a battle of the soundboards.  Which one will reign supreme, on which one can you string together the most insane thoughts totally taken out of contex?

The ShamWow guy.

Or Darth Vader?

I think ShamWow is funnier, simply because the lines are just more humorous.  I think someone should take the Darth Vader sound board and combine it with the ShamWow one, this way you can create amazing sentences of absolutly no revelance what so ever!

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Crater Calculator

This is a very nice, fun, interesting, and overall destructive little interactive flash Meteor Impact Calculator.

I’ve spent the better part of an hour making various sizes, and speeds, and angles, and types of rock to see what happens, and, so far in all of them, I am dead.  Oh well, the world’s gonna end anyway, at least I’ll have a front row seat!

Here’s an example i went through:

size angle speed type

3300m wide, 27 degree angle, 30km/s, rock hitting rock.

carter size

That’s a decent sized crater, 770meters deep, and a 9 on the Richter scale, not bad i’d say.

crater with empire state building

Deeper then The Empire State Building though, that’s tough.

data sheet

I’d wager that I probably wouldn’t have survived, i mean, I’m mostly covered in 3rd degree burns and whatnot.  Oh well, at least it only happens ever 18 million years or so.

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The four seasons


Here’s a nice flash animation showing the 4 seasons in a cool revolving sort of way!  This is the sort of thing that Flash is food for, and nothing else.

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Take your anger out with Whack!


Whack is a game where you just have to move the mouse at any speed towards the little polygon man, and  he gets “hurt.”  It’s such a fun way to waste some time, the faster you move the mouse, the harder you hit him, its awesome!