Where to begin? It’s been awhile since there have been equal parts amazing, awesome, memorizing, and just plain wrong in a single Stumble Bust. This is a few months in the making, but I figure I might as well post it now. I’m afraid that if I wait any longer I might mortally offend some people.
So without further ado, (if you’re reading this from an RSS feed that is), here are the latest wrong stumbles. (If you’re reading this on the actual home page, well then you gotta click something else, sorry).
Alot can be said about the internet. It’s a great magical place. The equalizer of the world, Everything that’s said on it is true. And so on.
What you cannot say is that it’s full of normal people. Not by a long shot.
Now granted, there are a fair number of fetishes out there, most of them are too strange to even consider. But this one. This one takes the cake for strangeness.
It started harmlessly enough, Chris sent me this link of a ceiling fan installed backwards. It’s hilarious and just the kind of 20 second thing YouTube was invented for:
From there I clicked the Bad Ass Ceiling Fan link, and was treated to a ceiling fan that was indeed bad ass.
I mean, it looked bad ass, but I was like yea, it looks cool, but so what. Then it started spinning while it was spinning. And Xzibit was proud.
After that video it got strange. Firstly, I was surprised at the sheer number of ceiling fan videos posted to YouTube. Seriously, do a search for Ceiling fan, you get About 24,900 results. Ok, you say, that’s not a crazy number of videos. Now watch some, I dare you.
Here was the introductory video to this fanatical fan fetish:
Looks harmless enough, but then you ask yourself why? Why do that? What was the point? Well, the director did pan the camera to show that all that air moved the curtains in another room.
Or, maybe it was a demo to show that they just don’t make fan’s the way they used to in the 50s. (But then again, I’ve already covered that, everything was made better in the 50s). With their solid metal blades, and barely there grates that block less air (and fingers) and therefore push more air.
That’s fine, let’s move onto the next video that piqued my now thoroughly fascinated interest:
Galaxy Symphony. That seems like a respectable title. Perhaps the director set up the fans to oscillate together, and they produce a crude version of some classic symphony music. Hell I’d even go so far as reproducing some video game music. Something.
But no, that is 3 minutes of pure air moving fans.
Now, if you thought this wasn’t too crazy at first, here comes the strange.
It’s a known fact that the comments on YouTube are usually always worth the read. So after I realized that nothing was going to happen, I scrolled down and went to see what the comments had to say. Surly the internet gold that is YouTube commentators would bring me back to reality and prove that this was just some strange person?
Wow! Now thats a lot of Galaxy symphony singing the happy blowing tunes of vintage air!=D
Excellent video once again!
Chris was concerned with the first part, me the 2nd. Excellent video once again! What? That implies that this person recorded, & uploaded a more then one video of a fan, blowing air. Of fans doing what fans were made to do, nothing else, nothing special, nothing fancy, just, fans.
No, that’s clearly a joke comment.
It’s not. (If at this point you haven’t noticed a trend, shame on you).
professorkiwi has a cornucopia of fan videos. Not just fans either, vacuum videos too. I decided that for this investigation I was only going to focus on the fan fetish. Vacuum seemed just too strange, and I’ve about hit the ceiling and got my head chopped off by a fan on strangeness right now.
Anyway, I was scrolling through his videos, and curiosity struck me. I like numbers, and I’m pretty OCD about some stuff, so I did some quick stats regarding professorkiwi:
*After tallied the lengths of about 20 or so I realized I was less then halfway through them and decided to give up. Really, how much better would I be if I had actually loaded up all those videos to get the time count. If you extrapolate that out the rest of the way, there’s probably well over 5 hours of total fan video uploaded by that one user. I’m sure there’s some software or site, or setting you can put in all the videos and it automatically gets the total time for you, but I just stopped caring enough, and I’m only half way done with this investigation, because Chris had sent me more fan videos, by different users.
That other user is HunterCeilingFanDude. Yes, his name has ceiling fan in it. Yes, his uploaded videos are all about fans. In one of the videos that I clicked through to get an idea of, he references other YouTube users. This implies (in case it wasn’t already implied above), that there is a community of fan video aficionados online. An active one.
Here is one of those videos, I couldn’t take much more after that though:
He has a favorite style of box fan. It’s true, cause he accidentally, or purposefully pans to the closet and BAM!, there’s at least 5 more box fans visible.
Going back to professorkiwi for a moment we come to another startling realization. In the comments of that Sanyo Desk Fan was a reference, a reference to something that in hindsight should have been obvious to me, but was just to outlandish to even fathom at the time.
There is a fan forum community, DT Vintage Fan Fourms. I could only look at this site for about 3 minutes before I was just over overwhelmed. The tipping point for me was the first thread I entered, Your Collection. It’s over 12 pages long. With the latest post today January 04, 2012. That last post has about 25 different fans. For a single person. That’s just too much for me.
Why? Do I even want to know?
Better yet, does one of my awesome readers know the answer? I kinda don’t want to know that actually.
I would like to think that this is just some elaborate fan review thing. Something explainable. Please.
It doesn’t make any sense. These videos are just a static view of a fan blowing into the camera. Complete with wind noise soundtrack. One video I found was just a montage of fan photographs. Multiple minutes of photographs of fans fading into each other. What purpose does that serve? Why does that exist? Are these questions too simple to ask?
Here’s my stretch of a theory. There are hidden messages inside these videos. It’s a front from the NSA. They’ve implanted messages inside these videos. Not mind control, that’s CIA stuff, just straight up codes. What kind of messages is the NSA implanting in here. Who knows, I haven’t cracked that code, and given that it’s an NSA encrypted code, it’s neigh-unbreakable.
Is it so hard to accept that yes, people actually do do this. Yes, for me it is. I can accept alot of things, but I just can’t accept that people spend time recording fans, uploading them to YouTube, and then doing it again, and again. And then there’s a community of people out there who watch these videos, and comment on them, and are 100% serious about it all. And then they go to the forums and trade and barter, and look on eBay & Craigslist for rare fan finds.
No, I think there’s encrypted NSA messages in them, and all those views are from the communists trying to decode them. I find that more plausible. I’m not quite sure what the forum is about, I don’t think that I want to know. Probably an experimental front the NSA set up to test the community. But the videos, those definitely have hidden encrypted messages in them. It’s the only explanation.
Billy Mays Facts? Really? Are you serious? What even gave you the idea that one ounce of Billy Mays’ OxiClean body is a match for the equally bearded, but much more awesome Chuck Norris?
For starters, the picture I found of Chuck is much larger then Billy Mays, that alone means Chuck is a bigger bad ass. Second, Billy is smiling, and giving a thumbs up in his photo. He doesn’t look menacing at all does he? Chuck on the other hand is just staring at you, and you know that if you so much as blink funny, he will round house kick you though your computer screen.
Next up on the pictures are the similarities, both of these people are wearing beards, and a shirt that has the top two buttons open.
Billy’s beard reminds me of Al Borland, from Home Improvement, not someone who inspires fear in the hearts of anyone. His shirt is unbuttoned at the top, but he has a plain white undershirt on beneath it. LAME. Where’s your mainlines?
Chuck on the other hand, his photo screams at you for respect. and if you don’t give it to him, he will know it. His beard is the perfect balance of well trimmed, and grown in, it’s not a full beard, but it means business. His shirt is open to reveal his mainly chest. And it may sound weird of me to say Chuck Norris has a mainly chest, but you simply cannot describe it any other way, or else you will die, period.
Moving on from the two pictures I found of these two people, let’s get to the meat of the matter: the facts.
Billy Mays has 20 facts, one or two of which will trick your lips into forming a smile.
Chuck Norris has 8 pages of facts, and each page has over 20 facts on it, making him at least 8 times more factual then Mr. Mays.
It’s easy to come up with more facts for Chuck Norris because he is the inventor of everything, and everything you say about him is a true, verifiable fact, even things that contridict themselves, and that’s just the way Chuck rolls.
In the end I think that, I know that, Chuck Norris would win. Because he would just round house kick some OxiClean into Billy Mays and be done with it. Billy Mays vs. Vince Offer, now, that’s a fair fight, let’s see it internet, I’m waiting…
Yes my friend, Chuck Norris is staring in his very own Cell Phone video game. Will it be kick ass awesome, yes, yes it will. Will it feature round house kicking deaths, yes, yes it will. Will there be commies, yes, yes there will. Will there by anything unawesome about this game, no, no there will not.
Here’s a video of it in action, no sound, but, that’s ok, we all know that Chuck doesn’t need sound to kill you, just a glance.
This is by far the most awesome scientific table of all time. I just wounder, if it will predict how nearby awesoments react when near each other, how would Chuck react with a Bt? How are Mullets awesome? Although it looks like those are on the “man made” section of awesoments, which clearly they are. I do like the table though, I shall consult it often. The only awesoment missing is LEDs, how could they forget LEDs? They make anything they are attached to 1137x more awesome!
Also, I wonder what type of super awesome alloys we can make?
Probably my favorite mod of Super Mario Bros there is. Super Chuck Norris Bros.
I love how Chuck is basically invincible. Just watch, nothing hurts him, which is the way it should be. Also, cutting up the background is pretty awesome too.