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30 Years

It’s been Thirty years since Los Angeles joined the ranks of cities whose only qualification was to be a victim of a terrorist act.  Though, were they really terrorists?  Their own ranks called themselves exceptional thieves, and one-time kidnappers, not terrorists.  No Hans Grubber and his pals were opportunists, and only cared about money, $600 million worth.  A simple police officer from New York City in town to visit his wife and kids was what messed it all up for them.

Yes, Die Hard is 30 years old this year.  And last December, the Library of Congress selected Die Hard (among 24 other films) it’s …cultural, historic and/or aesthetic importance.  Yes Die Hard fits the bill for all three of those qualifications.  It’s a master piece that holds up surprisingly well given the time period.  I dare you to find another action movie from the 80s which isn’t incredible dated with cheese lines and effects.  I dare you to find another heist movie where the score is still a relevant sum of money 30 years later.  Six Hundred Million Dollars was a lot of money in 1988, it’s still a lot of money in 2018.  When it comes to money, so often the sums are in reasonable ranges for the time period and with inflation, they seem petty by current standards.  No, it will be quite a while (if ever) when $600 million is seen as petty).  Heck, even Ocean’s 11 (which itself is 17 years old already!) was only taking home $160 million.

So, take a seat, grab some popcorn, (or Twinkies), and watch this Christmas classic, even if Bruce Willis says it’s not.

{Library of Congress}

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Happy Birthday Bruce

The almighty Bruce Willis was born 62 years ago today.

Bruce Willis is Harry Potter

There’s not much else to say about it.

 

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Alternate History Thursday: Nakatomi

Christmas Eve 1998: Nakatomi Plaza, Never Forget

I’ll let the photo above speak for itself.  Tonight, 27 years ago terrorists took over the Nakatomi building in Century City California.  Their target, $640 million in negotiable bearer bonds.  That’s amazing, even the amount of money stolen still holds up today, it’s not some piss poor $100,000 or similar, it’s well over half a billion dollars.  Damn Hans, you really did know how to pull it off.

It's Not Really Christmas until Hans Gruber Falls off the Nakatomi Tower

As is Christmas Tradition, it isn’t really Christmas until you’ve watched this documentary, just like every 4th of July you must watch Independence Day, every year, around Christmas time, you must watch the hero cop from New York City single handedly stop a hostile take over.

To commerate this memorable event, there is even a music video.  Because John McClane has also been involved in multiple similar instances.

{Imgur}

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The Expendables III

Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever get tired of watching this ensemble cast of the biggest action stars of all time teaming together for plot-less action.  The previous two movies have been so enjoyable that as long as they keep the fun, and one-liners, I think that the franchise could last awhile.

And that’s a good thing.  Because hopefully it will give time for Bruce Willis & the rest to patch things up so that he can return.  Because after all, what is an action movie ensemble without the one and only John McClane?  However, I think getting Alan Rickman, and/or Jeremy Irons as the bad guy could really help things along.  Bring back some of the good old days when terrorists were from East Germany, not The Middle East.  When they were professionals, and had manors, and above all never claimed to be terrorists.

{Filmonic}

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Neil deGrasse Tyson Is Boring

Neil deGrasse Tyson was at SXSW this past week.  While he was there he proved that he would be a horrible person to see a movie with.

You see, movies are meant to be enjoyed.  For the most part you’re supposed to suspend your disbelief and enjoy the outrageous-ness of the next 2 hours.  If I wanted actual science, I would watch a documentary, or a TED Talk, or something else.  But what I want is to watch Bruce Willis blow up an asteroid in space because he strong armed NASA into allowing him up there instead of some genius Boy Scout.

Bruce Willis

That’s right, I’m talking about Armageddon.  One thing that will piss me off super fast to claim that all of the scientific inaccuracies in that film make it a terrible film.  That’s a horrible excuse to call a film terrible.  If that’s the case then Star Wars, The Terminator, Spider-Man, The Dark Knight, and countless other films would need to be called horrible under the same reasoning.  And few people will claim that those movies are horrible.

Basically, he’s saying that Deep Impact was a better film because it got all the science correct.  I disagree with him, Deep Impact was by no means a better movie then Armageddon.  I’m sure it got the science right, but that doesn’t make it a better film.  It usually makes it a more boring film.

Neil deGrasse Tyson also said that The Matrix got the physics wrong, but he’ll forgive the film that.

Why the fuck are you complaining about the physics of a movie, that’s set inside a video game.  Allow me to give you a 111% valid reason why the physics are wrong.  Computers suck at rendering the real world.  There.  I just gave you a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why the physics are off in an imaginary world inside of a computer inside of a movie.  And it didn’t even stretch the limits of disbelief necessary for when watching a film.

I don’t understand why some whole generas of films get a pass for unbelievable, while everything/anything that Michael Bay does is held under a microscope of possibility.  I’ve posted about this before, but the world didn’t seem to get the memo.  Oh well, I’ll end this post with a variation on the same line as that one:

Shut up, I’m trying to watch a movie…

{Guide 2 Derby}

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Timelapse Clouds and Aurora

I like time lapses, I like clouds, I like space stuff, I like photography.  The only way to make the above video better is to put Bruce Willis in and change the music to Bon Jovi.

The above being known, I do think that that’s a pretty cool phenomena.  I would like to see them one day. More so on the Auroras then the noctilucent clouds, but I wouldn’t complain if I got to see them both.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any plans to go far north any time soon, probably not for a few years anyway.  Too bad.

{PetaPixel}

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Die Hard – The Music Video

This video is officially the greatest internet video of all time.  Better then The Void, or The Void II, Charlie the Unicorn, that elephant video from last week, Rap Chop, ALL the pokemon.  Everyone.  This is the greatest internet video ever.  It will never be topped, cost viagra cialis it can only be equaled.

What video can equal it?  Well, certainty not the creepiest tree in the world.  All Your Base, that is an equal.  But it’s on the shortlist.  The very short list.  So short that I can’t even think of another video to add to it right now.  Sorry.

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It’s a Good Day

To Die Hard.

I just have a problem with the February release date.  Movies released in February have a tendency pfizer viagra canada to suck.  I’m not saying this will, but history tends to agree with me.

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The best film of 2012?

Well, probably not.  Hell, not even the most anticipated.  But I can tell you one thing, this film will be the ultimate best ride of 2012 funwise.

Look at that cast, it’s a who’s who of action stars.  If you thought the first Expendables had a dream team,  this one ups it with the inclusion of Van Damme & Norris.

Yes. Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis & Arnold Schwarzenegger are all in the same film. Notice I bolded & italicized that, just to get it to hit home for you.  There’s also a bunch of other people in it, some newer action stars and stuff, but come on, none of those people would have a career if it weren’t for the 6 people mentioned above.

I think Chuck Norris has the best introduction in that trailer too.  He’s walking along all cool, takes off his sun glasses and is like yea, that’s right, I’m Chuck Norris.

The first Expendables was good, not great by any means, but good.  There were some good lines, but not the always quotable Die Hard.  Hopefully 2 will be just as good, or better, cause I really want a 3rd film.

And here’s my cast additions for that one:

  • Samule L. Jackson
  • Steven Seagal
  • Harrison Ford
  • Matt Damon
  • Jean Reno

{Filmonic}

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The greatest Movie Threats of all time

This is totally worth watching for 11 minutes.  It’s movie gold watching all the threats, taunts, and general excessive swearing.  All in all, I’ve seen a good precentage of the films on the list, but I must say,   there is a sevear lack of Bruce Willis quotes here.

Off the top of my head, I can come up with 3 from Die Hard:

  • Let’s see you take this under advisement, jerkweed! {youtube}
  • I’m going to count to three, there will not be a four. Give me the code.
  • You motherfucker, I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna fuckin’ cook you, and I’m gonna fucking eat you!

Too bad too as any ammount of Bruce Willis makes everything better.

You can get the whole list over here at Pajiba, and this is where I found it, over on Moviefone.