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Stumbles I lost count

Another heaping helping of wrongness courtesy of everyone’s favorite add on, Stumble Upon.  We got memes, gifs, Nazis, and more, all for your viewing pleasure, all right after the click.  Play a game of scrabble, hop on a plane to Australia, and remember, you are getting all of this information through the internet, what is yours called?

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18 Stumbles to go

Stumbles is Legal baby!!!!!1111!!!

I swear, there will be no more unneeded ! points mixed in with number 1s.  I promise.  (Remember, ever promise on the internet is a lie).  Also, today is national I don’t care day. Which I just made up, which also means I can say whatever I want about it, and I don’t care.  Ok, now I’m just rambling, and it’s time to get to the stumbles….

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Stumbles 14, The Great Divide

Stumbles 14 is upon us.  With it comes great dealings of grandeur, lots, some misfortune, and general humor all around.  There is also a small reminder of one of the legends to have passed recently.  Such sad times.  But fear not because I’ll give you some stuff to laugh about in it too.  So go ahead click the more link, I promise you it won’t go to a rick roll.

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The Day The Infomercial Died


Billy Mays is dead.  What a sad day in the infomercial world.  What a sad day for amateur inventors everywhere.  What a happy day for people with Ligyrophobia.

In memory of Billy Mays, I am embedding all his best commercials.  You may have seen some of them, or all of them, hell you may have even bought some of this crap awesome stuff.  But you can take 10 minutes out of your day to remember the man who made his living yelling at you.  So in the spirit of Billy Mays, I have made this entire post in the color he made famous, blue, and bolded for emphasis.  Enjoy it while you can, cause this offer won’t last forever.

WATCH NOW!

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How was Pitchmen!?

Two weeks ago I found out about Discovery Channel’s new show Pitchmen.  You can rest assured that it wasn’t that great, but it wasn’t that bad either. In general it’s basically a behind the scenes of those infomircials show.  It’s not quite a reality show, but not quite a game show, but not quite a regular show.

Regardless I did learn some stuff while watching it.

One thing being is that Billy Mays is orders of magnitude more well known the Anthony Sullivan, which is visually apparant in their Wikipedia pages.  I sorta knew who the guy with the British accent was in the original commercial, but that’s because I only saw his pitches twice.  I did some informal math in my head, and for every 1 Anthony Sullivan pitch I saw on TV, I saw 12,000 Billy Mays pitches.

Another thing I learned, more so confirmed, because it makes sense, is that there is a long process to inventing something, and then selling it.

Some things I wish they went over though were the actual cost of making the products.  They kinda went on it with the Impact Gel, but it wasn’t hard numbers, which I guess are confidential.  I do want to know how they are able to make so much money at $19.99, but wait there’s more!  It boggles the mind.

I liked at the end how they showed some basic numbers crunching being done.  It was nice insight as to how they actually make money.  What I did not like was the artifical tension they put in.  I realize it’s a TV show, but it’s annoying.  Also, did they really have to give the life story of the two guys who gave them inventions.  I don’t really care, neither of them will get me to buy the product.

In the end I say that Pitchmen is moderately watchable, just because it is informative.  However, after seeing the process one or two more times, I can’t say with certainty if I will watch the show every week.  There’s just nothing there to learn after that, and it becomes a silly useless sub-reality show.

I did gain some respect for Billy and Sully though, I still will skip over their commercials, at least 9 out of 10 times.

{Discovery}

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Pitchmen!

I saw this commercial last night around 2am while watching Dirty Jobs.  At first I thought, damn, I wish i had recorded this so I could skip out the commercials, but then I watched it (cause I had to) (I could have switched channels, but since I was watching TV though my Xbox, and the controller turned off, by the time I got it back on, and found something, it would be time to switch back), and it made me laugh.  Particularly the part

There’s more to selling, then just the yelling!

That guy with the British accent just broke the 4th wall, and made fun of Billy Mays at the same time!  I laughed at that, and for that reason, I set Windows Media Center up to record the show (so I can edit out the commercials).  It will probably suck, but hey, I’ll watch it once or twice at least.  Discovery Channel has no information on the show yet, which is no fun, but probably just confirms the fact that it will suck.

If they bring Shamwow Vince onto the show though, then I may have to watch it.  And just so everyone knows, he was arrested, but no charges were filed against him.  So Vince is still awesome.

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Billy Mays vs. Chuck Norris

Billy Mays Facts? Really? Are you serious? What even gave you the idea that one ounce of Billy Mays’ OxiClean body is a match for the equally bearded, but much more awesome Chuck Norris?

 

For starters, the picture I found of Chuck is much larger then Billy Mays, that alone means Chuck is a bigger bad ass.  Second, Billy is smiling, and giving a thumbs up in his photo.  He doesn’t look menacing at all does he?  Chuck on the other hand is just staring at you, and you know that if you so much as blink funny, he will round house kick you though your computer screen.

Next up on the pictures are the similarities, both of these people are wearing beards, and a shirt that has the top two buttons open.

Billy’s beard reminds me of Al Borland, from Home Improvement, not someone who inspires fear in the hearts of anyone.  His shirt is unbuttoned at the top, but he has a plain white undershirt on beneath it.  LAME.  Where’s your mainlines?

Chuck on the other hand, his photo screams at you for respect.  and if you don’t give it to him, he will know it.  His beard is the perfect balance of well trimmed, and grown in, it’s not a full beard, but it means business.  His shirt is open to reveal his mainly chest.  And it may sound weird of me to say Chuck Norris has a mainly chest, but you simply cannot describe it any other way, or else you will die, period.

Moving on from the two pictures I found of these two people, let’s get to the meat of the matter: the facts.

Billy Mays has 20 facts, one or two of which will trick your lips into forming a smile.

Chuck Norris has 8 pages of facts, and each page has over 20 facts on it, making him at least 8 times more factual then Mr. Mays.

It’s easy to come up with more facts for Chuck Norris because he is the inventor of everything, and everything you say about him is a true, verifiable fact, even things that contridict themselves, and that’s just the way Chuck rolls.

In the end I think that, I know that, Chuck Norris would win.  Because he would just round house kick some OxiClean into Billy Mays and be done with it.  Billy Mays vs. Vince Offer, now, that’s a fair fight, let’s see it internet, I’m waiting…