Billy Mays vs. Chuck Norris

11

Billy Mays Facts? Really? Are you serious? What even gave you the idea that one ounce of Billy Mays’ OxiClean body is a match for the equally bearded, but much more awesome Chuck Norris?

 

For starters, the picture I found of Chuck is much larger then Billy Mays, that alone means Chuck is a bigger bad ass.  Second, Billy is smiling, and giving a thumbs up in his photo.  He doesn’t look menacing at all does he?  Chuck on the other hand is just staring at you, and you know that if you so much as blink funny, he will round house kick you though your computer screen.

Next up on the pictures are the similarities, both of these people are wearing beards, and a shirt that has the top two buttons open.

Billy’s beard reminds me of Al Borland, from Home Improvement, not someone who inspires fear in the hearts of anyone.  His shirt is unbuttoned at the top, but he has a plain white undershirt on beneath it.  LAME.  Where’s your mainlines?

Chuck on the other hand, his photo screams at you for respect.  and if you don’t give it to him, he will know it.  His beard is the perfect balance of well trimmed, and grown in, it’s not a full beard, but it means business.  His shirt is open to reveal his mainly chest.  And it may sound weird of me to say Chuck Norris has a mainly chest, but you simply cannot describe it any other way, or else you will die, period.

Moving on from the two pictures I found of these two people, let’s get to the meat of the matter: the facts.

Billy Mays has 20 facts, one or two of which will trick your lips into forming a smile.

Chuck Norris has 8 pages of facts, and each page has over 20 facts on it, making him at least 8 times more factual then Mr. Mays.

It’s easy to come up with more facts for Chuck Norris because he is the inventor of everything, and everything you say about him is a true, verifiable fact, even things that contridict themselves, and that’s just the way Chuck rolls.

In the end I think that, I know that, Chuck Norris would win.  Because he would just round house kick some OxiClean into Billy Mays and be done with it.  Billy Mays vs. Vince Offer, now, that’s a fair fight, let’s see it internet, I’m waiting…

11 responses to “Billy Mays vs. Chuck Norris

  1. Vince Offer is a dumb whorebeating moron. Billy would shove OxiClean down Vince’s throat and shake him until he exploded. Chuck Norris would fail hard against Billy. Billy would yell and Chuck’s hair would come out, thusly rendering him powerless.

  2. From: Hell.

    BILLY MAYS HERE AND LET ME TELL YOU THAT I BITCHED SLAP FUCK NORRIS AND SET UP MY OWN LINE FACTS! THE BILLY MAYS FACTS! TAKE THAT WALKER FUCKER RANGER! ONLY $29.99! WHAT AN SWEET DEAL!

    AS FOR VINCE, WELL, LET’S JUST SAY THE MOTHER FUCKING SLAP CHOPS WORKS REALLY WELL! AND SHAMWOW CAN REALLY CLEAN UP BLOOD!

    THAT’S ALL FOR ME.

    MUCH LOVE,
    BILLY MAYS!

  3. billy mays is WAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY COOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLER!!!!!!!!!!1 BY FAR!!!!!!!!!!WAYWAYWAYWAYWAYWAYWAYWAY COOLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Billy mays is the single greatest human being ever to walk this unworthy planet and he will not be forgotton,,, chuck Norris is nothing compared to the great William “Billy” d. Mays Jr.

    THIS IS BULLSHIT, don’t believe it

    we love u Billy, u will not be forgotton

    chuck Norris licks donkey dick

Comments are closed.