The End of The World!!1!


Will happen on December 21, 2012 according to they Mayans.  And according to this blah article in The Telegraph, people in The Netherlands are already preparing for it.  And by preparing, they say that a family bought a life raft.  HOLY CRAP! They bought a life raft!  I’m pretty sure they were thinking along the lines of “Global warming our home will get flooded we’ll have to row ourselves to England cause we live in a country that’s below the sea level!”

Well i have news for you, that ain’t happening.  Not now, not soon, not ever.  Firstly, if you believe in global warming (I think we know by now that I do not), Europe will be a frozen wasteland, and not underwater.  Secondly, if you believe in global warming, it’s gonna take way, way longer then 4.5 years for this stuff to happen.  Unless of course a portal to another dimension gets opened, and in that one it’s the Hollywood dimension, and it’s the past, and they’re shooting The Day After Tomorrow, and whatever you shoot on film actually happens.

Anyway, back to the end of the world stuff.  The LHC, that’s gonna be switched on (eventually), and come on, I believe alot of crazy shit, but there’s no way that that thing is gonna be the end of us.  Hell, my prediction, it’s gonna suck up a crazy amount of power for a few days, and then it’s going to be declared a failure.  Sad, but that’s what’s gonna happen.  If it does manage to open a Black Hole, maybe that black hole will be a portal to another dimension, maybe the one i said above, but since that dimension is 300million miles away on the other side of the r-q axis, and we don’t have enough power to get even 3/17s of a marque into there, i doubt that will happen.  Most likely we’ll just open up a black hole onto itself, which is a paradox, but only in your mind.

Moving on…

If you really do think that the end of the world is gonna happen in the year 2012, then i suggest you start preparing.  First, you want to build a bunker. (too bad that one isn’t listed on eBay anymore).  I suggest you build a very good one, like at least 30 feet below ground, and with air filtration systems in place.  Stock up on food and water, you’ll need at least 2 years worth per person.  Then choose some people you’re comfortable with and just wait it out.  Before you know it you’ll have an entire planet to yourselves, probably.  Be sure to have some CB radios and batteries to contact the remaining humans and start a resistance against the robots, because in this dimension, that’s how the world is gonna end, in fire, from robotic hands.

More new things…

bruce willis motivational poster

When an asteroid is gonna hit the earth, there’s really nothing we can do about it. Unless we send all our power to the LHC, and use that to open a portal to the Hollywood Dimension, in the year 1998, when Armageddon came out.  Then we steal Bruce Willis, and make him will the asteroid out of Earth’s way, because he has the power to do that.  Note, we can also use this technology to prevent terrorist attacks, supreme evil, plague (not confirmed), ghosts takeover, hostage situations, and heists.*

Unfortunately, we only have enough power to go to one of those time frames, if we even tried to get to a second one, we would blow up the you can’t do that dimension, and when that happens, all the light bulbs in a 10000 mile radius break, plunging the world into total darkness, preventing us from seeing who really is saving us, and, probably increasing the population too much, causing global hunger problems.  Trust me, we don’t want that.

Now, we may accidentally open a portal to a dimension where *gasp* Bruce Willis doesn’t exist, in that case, we are thoroughly fucked.  The only thing we could try to do, is move the important people on this side over to the other side.  But, between me and you, I don’t want to live in a universe where Bruce Willis doesn’t exist, it’s too sad, I’m sorry.

Now, suppose that we get some crazy alien invasion, something that Bruce Willis cannot stop, then my friend, we use the LHC to open a portal to the dimension where Ender’s Game, and Halo are combined to form probably the coolest crossover idea I can think of right now, we steal Master Chief, and Ender, and go attack those alien bastards.  Then we declare humanity the rulers of the universe, and use our near faster then light ships to colonize every planet, to make sure we can never be destroyed ever.  And all was good.

I’m sure some of you are concerned about these alternate realities we are messing with, let me assure you, stop worrying.  There’s nothing to worry about, because in the universes we are stealing them from, there are really 2 of the people, and therefore we are making the universe balanced out.  Trust me, it works out, I wouldn’t fuck with something if I knew it could break things.

*ten points to who can guess all those movies.

9 responses to “The End of The World!!1!

  1. I’m dutch, but I don’t have a raft.. I don’t even know people that bought one because they think our country is gonna sink..

    I would like to know who the woman is that thinks the country in gonna sink because were letting in to much immigrants, because that is the most stupid thing i have ever heard and it shows how little people have about…well anything.

  2. You seem to have a typo in the article.
    The world ends in 2012, not 2021.

    It’s made apparent later in the article that you meant 2012 though.

  3. so you think the end is near?!
    what do you do?

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