How to Piss Someone Off


I’ve had a bad week or so, not many thing have gone right, and those that have were small.  In short, I’m pissed off.  So, to honor that week, I’ve decided show you 4 steps needed to piss someone off. Just like convincing someone that you are crazy, pissing someone off is kind of easy, and, it will probably be a multiple lister.

After the click are my ways:

Step 1: Drive as badly as you can

This is the most important, and most easy step (if you are of driving age that is).  Driving bad is a surefire way to make someone mad, and since it’s your goal to piss off the general population around you right now, this is the first, and easiest way to do it.

Now, DO NOT drive recklessly, that is dangerous and stupid, and you do not want to die (well, if you do, I won’t try to stop you).  Just change lanes without signaling, cut people off, come to a complete and dead stop at every stop sign, and light.  When green’s go to yellow, slow down/stop.  My favorite, put your car in neutral, (keep engin on so you don’t go so illegal (at least in NY)), and just coast.  This has an added benefit of saving some gas, and staying at a set speed.

Step 2:Tell people things they don’t want to hear

While walking down the street if you see someone light up a cigerate, tell them “You know, smoking will kill you.”  They know that, they don’t want to hear it, and they will get slightly pissed off at you for it.  If they answer you back, then continue to tell them stuff that they (should) already know about smoking.  They will get more pissed off the longer you keep it up.

This will work the exact opposite way if you are a smoker.  If someone gives you the “It will kill you line,” reply with “So could driving,” or “So does living,” or if you’re realy daring, “Tell me that again, and so will I!”

*Note, that last one is tricky, and could get you into trouble.*

Step 3: Pollute as much as you can (legally)

And make it public. for instance, buy a Hummer H-1, and drive it everywhere (with gas over $4.00 a gallon, this is only for the rich).  Never recycle anything.  Buy only foods that is filled with artificial things, all natural foods are a no no.  Waste electricity (it’s cheaper then leaving your car running), by leaving every light on in your house 24/7.

Do Not litter, that’s just wrong.  And when people tell you you’re polluting, just follow step 2’s advice!

Step 4: Use your cell phone as your camera

And your only camera.  Insist that those pictures you take with your cell phone are better then any other pictures you’ve ever taken.  Tell people that only a cell phone can take the amazing pictures you do.  Also be sure you take pictures of anything, and everything, go to the side of the road, and take some pictures with your cell phone.  When people ask what you’re doing, explain to them your love of your cell phone, and then give them some step 2 advice!

Now, these are easy, and expensive ways to piss people off, and some of them may not work as well as others, and there are way more then the 4 I’ve written here.  But these are the one’s that i think are easiest to use today.

This was all hypothical situations, we at Deadly Computer are not responsible for anything that happens to you because of something you read here.

Just remember, be safe, and be smart.  If you’re pissing off a cop, you should probably stop, cause you’re gonna get arrested my friend.

2 responses to “How to Piss Someone Off

  1. This works best at an apartment complex that has the front doors in a hallway. Wait for said person to leave for work and place boards covering the front door to their apartment. Fill the space between the boards and the door with concrete. Wait for it to dry, remove the boards, and paint over with the same color as the wall. You might want to paint a much larger area to help blend it in.

    When they get back from work it will be as if their apartment never existed. >:)

    If they live at a house, simply remove all the dirt 5 feet down and 10 feet all the way around their front door. Dump the dirt 10 miles away.

    If you can’t find the manpower for that one, driving several very large nails through their front door and covering it in pigs blood should do the trick.

    Oh, and if they have a pool, set the pump to “backwash”. It will be empty within several hours.

    If you want something simple collect every bag of garbage from the neighborhood on trash day and pile it up in their driveway behind their car. Hell, cover the car if you can find enough trash.

    I have a lot more ideas, but this is already getting lengthy.

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