Ok, everyone at some points wants to just kill everyone on the planet at least once in their life. Lately, I’ve been thinking of that, and ways to fulfill it. I’m not a crazy psychopath who wants to kill everyone or anything, I’ve just been thinking, “what would it take?” Well, here is what I think the easiest ways are.
Just a few things to note;
- every one of these methods below are illegal in one sense or another
- but since you’re gonna kill all human life, what does going to jail for a few days mean to you?
- none of these are “guaranteed” to kill 100% of all human life
- Deadly Computer does not encourage, endorse, or participate in any of the ideas below
- if you do decide to try one of these methods out, Deadly Computer cannot be held responsible for anything that may happen to you, or the rest of the world
now, if you agree to the above items, feel free to click the link:
1. Start a Nuclear War
First on our list of ways to kill all the humans on the planet is to start a nuclear war. Despite what you might think, it is far easier the governments have you believe it is to develop and build your own nuclear weapon. Granted, it will be crude, and no where near as powerful as the one pictured above (Ivy Mike), but you should be able to get a few dozen kilotons out of one provided you take your time and follow the directions to the letter. Where are these directions? you just need to know where to look. And don’t tell me you don’t know where, if that’s the case, you should consider rethinking your decision to end all life, for clearly you have much left to learn.
After you make your crude nuke, you need to detonate it in the key spot. Easy you may think, Washington D.C. well if you did that all you would do is kill yourself.
America isn’t stupid, they wont fire their nuclear arsenal just because of one bomb (now, if you have developed multiple bombs, and set them off chain reaction throughout the country, that’s different, but for the sake of this scenario, its a single bomb). No, you will want to detonate your nuclear weapon in an area that is hostile towards everyone.
The Middle East? NO.
North Korea, possibly, it depends on a few other factors that would have to be determined at the time.
Russia? Not likely.
Who? Europe. Preferably a country with a nuclear arsenal of their own, but, not required. If you think of all the major wars in recent history, they all began in Europe, if you place your bomb in the right spot, at the right time, and with the right hype (disinformation you provide to the public), you have WWIII started right then and there.
How does this turn into a nuclear war? Simple, eventually, the people who got nuked will want to get even with the people who they believe nuked them, and then the cycle starts, and before you know it, Nuclear Winter is a fact.
2. Deadly Virus
develop or steal a deadly disease that has a 99.9% kill rate. While it may be hard to develop your own, then like the nuclear bomb above, steal one. Or, get your hands on some Smallpox.
No matter where you get your virus, deployment of it is key. Just like the nuclear bomb above, you may be thinking big city, perfect. In this case, you are only partially correct.
Depending on the disease, it may be identified quickly, and containment, though hard, could happen. The virus you steal/create also may not be very resilient, for instance, it may not survive long in the air, making a single city useless.
Despite making all these arguments seem silly, I am going to make a movie comparison here. The way the deadly virus in 12 Monkeys was deployed was perfect. There was no flaw in the way that virus was spread except for the fact that it did not kill 100% of humans, which after all, is what you’re looking to do. For those unfamiliar with the way that virus was spread, here it is in it’s simplest form:
Guy gets virus, travels to the major cities of the world, and in each airport, he releases the contents of a vial containing the virus. This spreads, and in no time, the world is brought to its knees.
That is how you spread a virus with the intention of killing all humans.
3. Destroy the World Economy
Destroy the economy you ask, how will that kill all the humans you ask? Well, it’s actually, not 100% guaranteed, in fact, it’s probably the one on this list that has the lowest chance of ending all human life on earth. However, it will end the current way of life for humans (in the West), and that is good enough for me. Also, if it goes the right way, you could very well end human life in the end.
To begin with, you need to totally destroy the markets, all of them, something major needs to happen, and not just in one country, or to one section of the market (Tech for instance). It needs to be global in scale, and universal in effect. I would suggest that you destroy the supplies of raw materials to the factories. This can be done in any number of ways, but the easiest of which would be to sink all container ships traveling the ocean. Hell, you probably want to go with the tanker ships too. Give the world a good one-two punch of no new items, and a lots of contaminated shorelines. The media won’t know what to cover, the loss of new merchandise at the hands of no one they know, or the cute little penguins, and seals covered in beautiful flammable oil.
All the while prices for gas will skyrocket, but so will the price for a new anything. Countries will be out of luck in terms of importing anything because there just be nothing to import, boats won’t have time to make it to any port.
Hopefully, this will lead to marshal law in some countries, and the rise of dictators in others. These dictators will hopefully believe that a war is what is required to bring the economy back up, by invading so and so country. This will escalate into a world war, and then the use of nuclear, or biological weapons is not too far fetched. And that in turn is how destroying the economy can destroy all human life.
While there is still much of the world stuck in a famine already, it is not the whole world, and that is where you will come in. By tainting the food supplies, you will not only kill off a few hundred thousand people with the bad food, but in the process you will also destroy all the food there is to eat. While it may be hard to efficiently reduce the world’s food supply to nothing, there are ways and methods you can use to make it easier.
First, taint the meat supply, as many as possible, beef, pork, chicken, fish. The more you taint, the better. And I don’t mean with e-coli and the like, mad cow disease, bird flu, hell, if you want to go all out, mark the meat as contaminated with human, that will get no one to buy it. You can even save a step and poison the grain supply, this way you can kill/make sick the livestock, and kill/make sick the humans.
How you may go about destroying crops is up to you, I suggest fire, it’s the simplest cheapest, and most surefire (haha, pun!) way be sure you got all the crops. Once the crops are done for, you’re pretty much set. However, you will need to keep this up for at least 4 years. Not the quickest way, but, it should work.
5. Destroy the Environment
If you believe in global warming (I don’t) then this is the easiest, albeit, longest method to kill off all humans. It also is the most legal method, but at the same time, could escalate into the most expensive (yes, even more so then making your own nuclear bomb).
Quite simply, all that it involves is buying the least efficient car, and drive it as often as possible, even keeping the engine running for no reason sometimes. But, that’s not all, you then have to have every single electronic device plugged in, and running in your house 24/7. (see how it will quickly get out of hand financially?)
After you have your electronics running, and your car running as often as possible, you may be thinking what else is there left for me to do? Simple, contribute to other forms of destroying the environment. Global warming is just a fancy term that will end with the complete destruction of the earth’s environment. So doing anything else you can think of to speed up the process helps. This includes, but is not limited to:
- using a single plastic bag for each item you buy at the grocery store
- getting rid of old computer equipment by dumping it into lakes/rivers/oceans
- starting tire fires
- using all pesticides you can get your hands on (DDT is ideal!)
- use only the finest wood from the Amazon Rain forest
Like i said above, the destruction of the environment is the most legal method of this list. Everything on it, with the exception of DDT, is perfectly legal for the average person. However, you must either be a patient person, or enlist the help of thousands of others, because there is no way you will be able to complete a task this large in your lifetime.
Also, be prepared for public backlash, for this is the most public of the methods, and the current trends of the country is towards saving the environment.
There you have it, 5 easy (mostly) ways to end human life on earth. Now, these are by far not all the ways to kill all humans, there are an endless number of ways, these are just the 5 ways I thought of that would work the best I think. Combinations of the methods would probably work very well. You could even decide to not kill off all humans, but instead unite them under your rule. It’s up to you. Just remember, should you use any of the methods above, spare us at Deadly Computer, we’ll be good, promise.