5 Easy Steps To World Domination

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Everyone wants to rule the world at one point in their lives, but, not everyone has the ability, or know how on how to do it. This is another area where I’ve done alot of thinking about, and I want to share the steps I’ve come up with with you all. So, if you want to rule the world, just click the link below:

Step 1. Gain Support

No one will be able to successfully rule the world without support. At first glance, this may seem to be one of the hardest steps, but in reality, it’s not. Your first supporters will come in the forms of your family and friends. This also provides a good launching ground for some of your campaign ideas.

Explain to them why rule under your power would be a better place for the world. You can be accepted, or you can be rejected, but since you tried it out on your friends and family, no hard feelings. Think over what you learned, and then go back again with new ideas, and laws.

If that still doesn’t work, bribe them. Promise them some position of power, such as “Head of the Secret Police” to your paranoid friend, it’ll suit him well, and you’ll never have to worry about things getting out of hand ever, just a whisper, and every thing’s taken care of. There are limitless positions you can come up with, so let your imagination run wild, just make sure that no one has more power then you, after all, what point is it to take over the world, but make it be a Democracy?

After all the positions are given out, its time to give out land. You have a planet to divvy up as you see fit, and if giving control over all of South America to someone doesn’t win them over to your cause, you may need to deal with them later in Step 4.

Step 2. Get some money

Like it or not, you’re gonna need some cash to start this with. And unlike the investment bankers during the Dot Com era, it’ll be hard to find someone with pockets deep enough for you’re needs. However you want to get your money though, that is fine, I suggest stealing it from somewhere. This way there’s no investors you need to worry about turning on you, and no need to worry about going bankrupt halfway through (just steal some more).

Who you choose to steal your money from is another story, you could choose banks, or casinos, the government, or the rich, you could even print your own money (could be usefull for when you take over)

Step 3. Kill at least 50% of population

This is essential, if you do not eliminate at least 50% of the world’s population, your attempt will fail. You can get away with just 50% of the people in the First and Second World nations, as this is where most of your opposition will come from.

Just like getting financing in Step 2 above, it doesn’t matter how you kill the people, just that it’s done. If you need suggestions, you could modify the one’s from this list, but beware, as those are geared towards ending human life completely.

The easiest way to do this would be with a deadly virus that you have developed, and, which you have the cure for. The kill rate can be anything above 50%, as long as you have the cure, you are set. To make matters easier, it would help to have two viruses, and the cure to both of them, you’ll understand in the next step why this is necessary.

Step 4. Get Elected

Launch the deadly virus with the higher kill rate in one area of one country, it can be any sized country from the USA, to England, to Germany. Once it has claimed a fair amount of victims, announce your cure to the people, you can either give it away, or sell it, that is up to you. I suggest you give it away, it is a sign of good faith, and they will remember in the next election that you were kind. The way you will make it is by being elected, not through a coup.

Once you have control over your home country it’s time to release your other virus to the rest of the world. Hopefully by now you have a good army at your disposal who are loyal to you, give 95% of your army the vaccine to the other virus, and send them on “Red Cross” missions to the effected countries. By killing 5% of your army you will make it seem that they aren’t immune to it, and the skeptics that think you started it all will have something else to think about.

After most of the population is killed off, seize control of the governments, and the countries themselves. Wait until you have complete control over the country before you release the cure. DO NOT PUBLICIZE THE CURE, merely state that it has a a 60% chance of working, and give 40% of the people saline.

Repeat as necessary across continents.

Step 5: Assume Total Control

After you’ve jumped from country to country above the population of the world should have dropped to under 2 billion, and a few races of people have died out completely. At this point, make your transition from “President of home country” to Emperor, Supreme Commander, King, Lord, Rocket Staple(whatever your title to be) Your Name, of the planet Earth. At this point, you can even change the name of the planet, i suggest Planet Bob.

Congratulations, in as little time as 3 years, and by only killing 4 billion people, you have successfully become the first Global Emperor, now comes the hard part, keeping that title forever, or at least as long as you’re alive.

3 responses to “5 Easy Steps To World Domination

  1. LOL! Yes! I love your approach. Does creating a list of growing enemies and eliminating them one by one fall into steps 3 or 4? I mean, you must need a couple of enemies around at some point to look more effective, right? Maybe my awesome computer knowledge will help with some of this control.

    p.s. I’m so glad sarcasm is still welcome somewhere in the world.

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